Thursday, 13 June 2013

The Road More or Less Travelled: Australia's East Coast. Part One: Cairns


I'm writing this from Xi'an, China, and it's the first day of the annual Chinese labour holiday.
I have gathered that the Chinese are a hardworking bunch; although they get 11 festival days (like our bank holidays) they can get as little as 5 days paid annual leave. This means that everyone travels across the country at the same time. Being, as I am, in a popular location (Xi'an is the destination of choice for those wanting to see the famous Terracotta Army of the Qin Dynasty) every Chinese tourist and their dog is out looking at the sights. It's also raining. This makes for an unpleasant situation that has resulted in me losing my last shred of patience and returning to the hostel, where at least it is dry, and there's a thermos of tea in my room. So, on with the blog catchup...

Travelling the East Coast of Australia is something on pretty much any traveller's list. At least, it is if you are European. I think I can safely say that I met many more European passport holders than actual bonafide Australians on my way South from the tropical Queensland city of Cairns down to metropolitan, urban-chic Melbourne, Victoria. You might argue this is because I kept myself safely inside the backpacker enclave, only meeting other travellers and not really mixing with the locals. Well, this is true to some extent; sometimes you do get lulled into a routine. Travelling to your destination, dropping off your luggage and striking up conversations with fellow travellers in the hostel, hanging out with them and their friends and forming a little group soon becomes a comfortable way of getting about. However, thanks to the Australian propensity for travelling the world, I was lucky enough to meet a lot of kind and generous Australians during the first half of my tour. A large proportion of our American tour group were Australian, and Dimi and Laura Papettas, the first friends I made in New York, had lived in Melbourne all their lives. Not to mention Kerry Witt, the girl who kept me vaguely sane during those first wobbly days adjusting to New Zealand life AND introduced me to the wonder of Milo. All of the above and more had invited me to stay with them when I reached their parts of the country, so I was lucky enough to do the local thing as well as meet other backpackers.

Australia has got to be one of the most convenient setups for backpackers ever. If you're just touring, you hop into the country, often on a visa-waiver, which is done online and is free (at least for us Brits). Most backpackers, however, are there looking for work. The Working Holiday Visa (WHV) allows 18-30 year olds to try their hand at working in Australia for a year. You cannot work for more than six months in one job. If you want to stay on for one more year, that's fine, but you've got to be prepared to do some hard graft, in the form of government approved work on farms or in rural areas for a period of about three months. During my trip, I heard many horror stories about the hours and the tough physical nature of the work, plus the cramped living conditions in multiple room dorms located in the arse end of nowhere. It seems like if you have the willingness to do the work, you sure as hell better hope you have bucketloads of patience and tolerance for your fellow workers, as well as a never ending supply of high factor sunblock.

On the other hand, I heard from a fair few people that it was all jolly good fun, a sort of 'we're all in the same sinking boat' camaraderie that is rarely experienced anywhere else. Firm friends and lifelong lovers are made and sometimes even kept. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm too old for all that caper now, but I bet when I was 18 and fresh out of high school that kind of boarding house mentality would have actually been quite good fun.

Anyway, I massively digress. Australia is easy to get around, despite its vastness. There are two coach companies that ply the route between Cairns and Melbourne: Premier Travel and Greyhound. Premier, being the slightly cheaper of the two, is more popular with backpackers and their buses were always chock-full. I was quite lucky with Greyhound, and seemed to get two seats to myself most of the time.

I arrived full of excitement. For one thing, it would actually be HOT! I could swim in the sea (providing the stingers didn't get me), lie on the beach (for five minutes before I had to seek shade) and try my hand at diving the world famous Great Barrier Reef, the vast section of gorgeous coral reef that is unfortunately dying out fairly quickly (see previous note re: stingers). Not to mention exploring the big cities dotted down the coast; Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. Now all I had to do was work out how not to bankrupt myself and I was away. I should explain here to the uninitiated that Australia is terribly expensive, even if you're earning Australian dollars. It's not really their fault as such, they have been lucky enough to avoid the global recession by maintaining a strong economy that is, in part, down to extensive mining. But it really stings when you walk into a supermarket looking for a cheap meal and you end up spending about half an hour plying the reduced shelves for the cheapest loaf of bread or bag of pasta. Speaking of which, formerly adored student staples such as pasta and pesto, cheap white bread, processed cheese sandwiches and the ubiquitous instant noodle made an unwelcome return into my already terrible diet.

I touched down in Cairns at some point in the mid afternoon after a very long layover at Sydney Kingsford Smith airport. I'd been up since 2am NZ time, so was slightly disorientated when I checked in and crawled onto my bunk at the Northern Greenhouse in Cairns, a hostel recommended to me by a very old friend who had travelled there some years previously. It seemed to be full of people silently working away on their laptops, but I didn't really care at the time and I hauled myself onto my top bunk (I am always, without fail, allocated the shittiest top bunk. See previous post about the hideous room in the Coromandel), which was located right next to the air conditioning unit. Well, at least I wouldn't sweat to death. The temperature didn't seem too bad, actually, and I wondered what everyone was on about when they'd mentioned how I was going to melt into a puddle of my own goo, like the Wicked Witch of the West.

I woke up at about 7pm, cotton-mouthed and completely unaware of where I was. I decided that if I didn't get up, I would probably dehydrate to the point of losing consciousness and swung myself down the bunk ladder to grab some money and my room key. Everyone was still on their laptops. A few banging sounds came from the kitchen. I decided I couldn't be arsed with fighting people for pots and pans and washing up, so I walked down the road to the Woolworths to see what food I could eat without cooking. I located a reduced salad, still overpriced at something like $5, but tasty and vaguely nourishing. I sat and ate outside when a giant thing swooped down from a nearby tree and nearly gave me a heart attack. What the hell was that? It didn't look like a bird...

Closer inspection revealed that it was a bat. A bloody enormous, giant fruit bat. They were everywhere, congregating in the trees, rustling and squeaking at each other. Nobody else seemed to notice or care about them, but I was absorbed. I'd never been anywhere that bats had lived in such a built up area, and we don't tend to get the giant variety in the UK. Thumping crappy music from a nearby bar soon burst my bubble of thought, and I suddenly felt exhausted, so took myself back to the hostel and resolved to wake up early and see what Cairns had going on.

The next morning, I popped out of the room to realise why everyone had looked so sympathetic when I'd told them I was heading to Cairns in January. I can't describe the sheer oppressiveness of the heat, and this was at about 6.30am. It smothered everything it touched, and I could feel little trickles of sweat form on my brow and under my arms within about two minutes of being outside. Heat hazes rose from the tarmac outside the hostel, and the sun beamed down with a brightness I have never seen. Luckily I had prepared for this by spending about half an hour rubbing every conceivable surface of myself with a liberal application of factor 30, a routine which was to become second nature for the next few months.

I had something to eat and ended up talking to a slightly odd and possibly drunk fellow named Shaun, who said he was in charge of the horse trekking school up in Cape Tribulation. We had a long chat about New Zealand, as he was originally from a Maori family that lived inland from the coast near Raglan. He was in Cairns 'to pardy' and take a break from the trekking business, and invited me to take a trek which he said he would pay for. I politely declined as I felt he might not be so friendly if I didn't 'pardy' with him in return.

Trying not to sweat too much with the effort, I took a walk around the city to see what I could find. I wanted to find the dive shop I had been in touch with about doing an introductory dive up near Port Douglas, and had heard that Rusty's, the produce market along the road from where I was based, was meant to be reasonably priced and full of delicious tropical fruits. One of the chefs from Heritage had told me about this particular mango variety that was guaranteed to be unlike any other I'd tasted. Since I love mangoes and food in general, this was exciting for me, and I made a stop at the market to purchase a mango the size of my head.

I was once again propositioned by a man who was definitely drunk, and staggered towards me as I had a quick sit down at a bus stop. It was really entertaining, and would have been much funnier if anyone I'd known had been around to witness it. He walked past me, did a theatrical stop in his tracks, and then turned to talk to me. I should mention here that I looked pretty rough thanks to lack of sleep and air con, with Ken Dodd-esque flyaway hair, a thrown-on dress and dirty flip flops with a garnish of chipped nail varnish. I was a regular Lauren Bacall.

COR blimey love.......... you look like a movie star!” Imagine this said in the broadest outback accent, ever.

Erm... well, thanks.” I mumbled, not sure how to handle this awkward exchange. He came to sit next to me. I groaned inwardly and tried not to look like I was desperately trying to find an escape route.

Let me see yer eyes,” he slurred. I consented, removing my sunglasses and fixing him with a death stare, otherwise known as The Face. The Face has got me into a lot of trouble before. I have problems with masking my true feelings, and any hint of grouchiness or annoyance has a habit of manifesting itself in a curled lip and furrowed brows. He didn't seem to notice and pressed on with his compliments, explaining that he was based in some remote-arse part of Australia and was here on a stag do or something... the details are a bit hazy because I wasn't listening.

We're here to pAr-dy and meet some girls, drink a lot of beers, you know, schtag schtuff.” Seems like Cairns is the place to be if you want to get blind drunk with drunk Aussies. It did remind me a bit of Agia Napa in Cyprus, the only difference being that garage wasn't a music scene but was what most of the buildings resembled.

This guy needed to sober up. He didn't smell great, either. I found my escape route, and hammily pretended to answer my blatantly not-ringing phone. “Oh REALLY?!” I squawked “I'd better come right away!”

Unfortunately, he followed, but must have got bored with that because after a couple of minutes, he sharply veered off elsewhere and I was left alone. I decided to head back to the hostel and cool off in the pool, and heard a baconesque sizzle as my legs hit the cold water.

It must have been a day for weirdos as I met a girl called Tina (name changed in case she tracks me down and kills me) who happened to attend the same uni I did, albeit more recently, and grew up in a town not too far from High Wycombe. We started chatting and got on well. It turned out she had been travelling in group tours for a few months, first in NZ and then in Australia, and had covered a vast section of the East coast as well as the outback by bus. She was a qualified medical professional and was looking for work in Australia, leaving her ex-fiancee back in Britain after a messy split. Her bottom lip seemed a bit wobbly when she covered that bit so we moved on quickly to her pet cats who were living under the care of her parents back in Britain. So far, so normal. But boy, did she love those cats. One of them was ill (she mentioned, getting a slightly more pronounced wobbly bottom lip) and probably about to snuff it. Now, don't get me wrong, I love animals, but a sick cat is a sick cat. She was seriously considering flying back to Britain to see this cat to the grave, and then flying back to Australia once the approved grieving period was over to continue her grand plan. She was torn between staying or leaving for the cat. Which should she do? She agonised, and looked to me for my opinion. I can only say I hope I was sensitive when I suggested that spending a fortune flying for the best part of 24 hours to see a cat off and then coming back might be a tad overdoing it. It's not as if there'd be many sandwiches at the wake. But this was just my opinion, and I'm sure there's thousands of pet lovers out there who would disagree. I guess she was having a tough time with the ex-fiancee issue, and the cat getting ill wasn't helping. We spent an evening in each other's company, then I went off to Port Douglas to dive and didn't hear from her again, despite her suggestion that we ought to travel down the coast together. I hope the cat survived.

Well, that brings me nicely onto diving. I booked a day trip with Silversonic in Port Douglas, about an hour up the coast from Cairns, thanks to a generous donation from the Gordon MacLachlan Foundation for Fun and Frolics. The reef is meant to be a bit nicer and more intact there, so I thought it was well worth a visit and change of scene, seeing as Cairns didn't particularly grab me (possibly as I am now a crochety old woman). I was herded professionally and with minimum fuss onto a large boat which looked like it ought to have been a cruise liner. We were given the requisite endless safety chat and a very long list of awful things that might happen to us diving, which would be all our fault and not the company's problem etc. etc. please sign here and admit any minor medical issues, even a cut on the foot, or else.

The dive itself was pleasant, and I saw a lot of interesting marine life. It was a like being in a tropical fish tank, playing the part of the plastic diver figurine. That's a terrible simile but, well, that was what it was like. As it was just an intro dive, I didn't have to learn much or think for myself, and was just being lead along by the efficient instructor, Mac, along with two other women who had never dived before.

After the dive, we got lunch and pulled up to two more sites to snorkel, or dive more if we were prepared to part with more cash. I chose the former option, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. Before, this, however, I was overtaken with a blinding rage; my Olympus 'Tough' camera, marketed as pretty much indestructable, wasn't switching on. At the Great Barrier Reef. The only underwater thing I REALLY wanted to immortalise for future generations (alright, myself) to enjoy. Back on the boat I tried, in vain, to get it to work, and then opened the battery compartment to see if there was anything wrong; it was flooded with salt water. Great. So the one photo I have of the Great Barrier Reef is of me making an 'OK' sign in a diver's suit, that I paid $16 for. There aren't even any bloody fish in the photo. What a world! But in the interest of getting my money's worth, here's the pic:



Never mind. It was fun, and that's all that mattered. I can understand the worldwide obsession with the Reef; it's beautiful, and a real shame that thanks to changing ocean temperatures, the life-sustaining coral is dying off at a rate of knots.

While I was diving I met a couple from Barcelona, Cristina and Santiago, who were on an extended honeymoon round the world trip. They didn't seem to mind the third wheel, and invited me to go and see Cape Tribulation with him after the dive. We only managed to get as far as the edge of Daintree National Park, in some hick town where we went for a quick walk along the edge of the jungle. It was getting dark, and I suspected that flip flops were probably a fairly useless defence against poisonous snakes. Turned out the only dangerous snakes about were carpet pythons, the only real danger being if a big one fell out of a tree and onto my head. They're quite shy apparently, and generally slither off rather than hang about and argue. Anyway, it was getting dark and dinner beckoned, so we had that and parted ways.

I stayed in Port Douglas for the night at Dougie's Backpackers (why do they always have to give backpackers' hostels twee names?), and had an entire dorm to myself, something that I don't think has ever happened since. It was wonderful, aside from the heat searing through the nigh-on useless efforts of the fan, and the usual round of bloodthirsty mosquitos leaving delightful raised lumps over my legs.

Port Douglas itself is a play area for rich Australians on holiday and this was made clear by the abundance of large houses with pools and luxury hotels. Well, if you can afford to charter a yacht or dive boat, you have probably got a few bob in the bank. I had a quick walk into town with a bunch of people I'd met at Dougie's the night before and wandered the Sunday market, where I tried sugar cane juice for the first time (and not the last). A slightly deaf and crazed old man took hold of a bunch of light green and white sugar canes and pressed them through a machine like a electronic mangle that took the stalks, crushed and squeezed them and produced a delicious dark greeny-yellow juice, the colour of one of those wheatgrass shots that people buy from juice bars when they have more money and vanity than taste buds left. I'm pleased to inform you that it didn't taste anything like wheatgrass; it was sweet (unsurprisingly, as it's sugar in its rawest form) and natural tasting. I can't really describe it any more accurately than that, so it's a good job I am not a food critic. It tasted like a different kind of sweet to the processed, crappy carbonated drinks we're used to consuming on a daily basis. Apparently, it's not so bad for you – as the sugars are unrefined, even diabetics can drink it (though perhaps it's best to check first). Anyway, you can see why it's so popular in tropical areas – it beats a thirst.

Sugar cane juice aside, I had to head back to Cairns to make a bus connection to Mission Beach, a destination selected at random from the available options on my bus ticket. I met a girl, Leah, at the bus station who happened to be going to the same hostel I was, and ended up being picked up in a busted up mini van which contained a few other friendly girls and a whole lot of beers. I approved of this entirely. We drove about 15 minutes through the dark and ended up pulling into a tiny lane that housed the Jackaroo Hostel. The owner had just bought the hostel off of an old bloke who couldn't cope with it anymore, and was doing work on it when I was staying there, namely building a bar area off to the side. It was tropical Queensland's low season, just before the 'Wet', so there were only a few people staying there who weren't staff. I'd only booked one night, but ended up staying for three – it was the kind of place you get sucked into.

Anyway, that's probably enough for now... I am trying to think of a snappy ending to this entry but am miserably failing. That'll do.

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